finding my way

I have a map, and I've had people tell me the directions. It is dark and uncomfortable. This way seems to be the detour from hell. I can't seem to put down this luggage that comes with me. I have moved it all around, but it doesn't fit where I need it to. I've left my first love to be with this one, but the 80/20 rule completely applies here. My first love knew the very depths of me and would comfort me. He understood when I was hurting for someone else, or needed to be hugged just because. The only problem with him was he wasn't always touchable. I desired to be touched, human contact. I need that! This love, all he wants is physical touch. I need the deepness of the first to match up with the surface of this love. This love says he will change, he will be what I need him to be, but he can't possibly be because he is selfish and incapable because he doesn't know my first love. My first love will take me back, but I can't leave this love behind. I know that doesn't make since, but I can't leave him without knowing he is going to be there in the end. Maybe not with me in the end, but be there when this life is said and done. I would rather be by myself for the rest of this life than live without knowing he will be there.